Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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