as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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