Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
