Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
