every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
