3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
