I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
