Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
