I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
