no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
