Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
