So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
