No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
