I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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