Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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