I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
