I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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