Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
