I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
