Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize