My friends, they love my intelligence
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
