When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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