he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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