went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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