Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
