getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This toilet bowl is my home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
