Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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