ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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