Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
