you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
