an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
