you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
