if i can run in heels then i can drive
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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