I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
