did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
accomplished twins. life is a go
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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