Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
