This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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