I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
