i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
