Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
