Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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