she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
