last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
