i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
