The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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