just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
