I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
