i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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