god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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