I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
