I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
