I need to stop coming to work sober
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This house was built for laser tag.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
