The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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