What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
