called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
