yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
