You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
