All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
