I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
