Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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