So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
