Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
