if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Every concussion has its silver lining
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
