I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
