I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
